Monday, February 22, 2010

AES will bring crackdown to Vancouver

After suggestive pictures were posted online of half pipe snowboarding Olympic bronze medalist Scotty Lago being faux-llated™ by a young woman who may possibly be of Korean descent, Anti-English Spectrum founder and bad foreigner eradication crusader Yie Eun-woong announced he would take his fight on the road to Vancouver, Canada, site of the Winter Olympics that were stolen from Pyongchang. 

"We must do whatever we can to rid British Columbia of illegal, low-quality English teachers," said Mr Yie in a cell phone interview he conducted from his koshiwon. I will go to Canada and follow these prospective teachers to determine if they are in the country illegally and what brand of condoms they are throwing away."

Mr Lago's agent said the manhunt was ridiculous. "Mr Yie has no jurisdiction here and no business conducting a manhunt against Scott, because there's no way he would ever end up being an English teacher for anybody in Korea," he said. "Unless the Pepsi endorsement deal falls through."

For his part, Lago went home to New Hampshire as soon as the photos were revealed on TMZ.com. "I don't think Mr Yie can find me here," he said by phone. "Seabrook is very hard for Koreans to pronounce."

The identity of the bronze biter has not been established — early reports said it was Michelle Kwan, Kristi Yamaguchi, or possibly Connie Chung — but one reporter spotted the incognympho™ in the hallway in front of Mr Lago's hotel room about an hour later. With a disappointed look on her face, all she had to say was, "half a pipe is right."

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9 comments:

  1. Can you please confirm that the whole AES/Korea angle on this falls into the "stuff you make up" category?

    Yie or AES did not issue any opinion on this.

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  2. JSK, "crap I make up" is my new label for satire.

    You should not assume anything here is true except for what can be found in the links (this is true of other posts as well). And even those you should be leery of.

    So to make it clear, AES and Mr Yie did not issue any statement on this as far as I'm aware. I was merely poking fun at Mr Yie, his organization, and the beliefs many English teachers and other expats have about Mr Yie and his organization.

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  3. The pictures, by the way, are also real (as far as I know). They can be found at the TMZ.com website, though I did not link to it in the satirical piece.

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  4. Has there been any speculation on the woman's nationality?

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  5. It was humorous by the way, but unfortunately we've lost all sense of humor here in Korea.

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  6. This anonymous fellow seems convinced that she's Korean. And convinced as well that if Lago were half-Japanese then people in South Korea would go crazy. Just like, I suppose, the reason Ohno sets off so many people in South Korea is that he's half-Japanese and not because of, well, all the other stuff.

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  7. The make-up style, the plunging neckline, the facial expression, and the fact that she's willing to suck bronze (and not a more precious metal) tell me she's North American. As for ethnicity, anyone's guess - could be Korean I suppose.

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  8. I saw a few tourism promos for British Columbia broadcast during the USA/Canada game. The slogan was, "Your perfect 4 season travel destination." Why didn't Korea think of that?

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