Tuesday, July 5, 2011

What evil urologists do to you when you're knocked out

In South Korea, they measure the length of your penis and then write about it.

According to the Los Angeles Times, this is all in the name of science. Indeed, they may have discovered a link between the ratio of your index finger to your ring finger, whereby the smaller that ratio is, the larger your member would tend to be:
Dr. Tae Beom Kim, a urologist at Gachon University in Incheon, Korea, and his colleagues studied 144 men over the age of 20 who were undergoing urological surgery for conditions that do not affect the length of the penis. One member of the team carefully measured the lengths of the index and ring fingers on the subject's right hand before surgery -- left hands are thought to be more variable. A second team member then measured penis length immediately after the subject had been anesthetized. The length was measured both when the penis was flaccid and when it had been stretched as much as possible. Stretched length is thought to correlate to erect length, the team wrote. The team found that, in general, the lower the ratio of the lengths of the two fingers, the longer the stretched length of the penis.
Note: This was the first non-NSFW
picture I found on my image search
for "measuring penis length."
So... you're lying on the operating table unconscious, at your most vulnerable, and some guy (or gal) takes out the measuring tape and starts stretching out your penis to see how far it would go. Naisŭ! (And by "naisŭ," I mean "Whiskey, Tango! Frack!")

Now before you write this off as whacker quackery along the lines of blood type determining personality, bear in mind that there may be some there there:
A variety of studies suggest that the ratio of the two finger lengths is determined by prenatal exposure to sex hormones, both testosterone and estrogen. It is not unreasonable to assume that penis length might also be.
Okay, but that "not unreasonable" assumption is still an assumption.

Now, for the math-impaired out there, what they're saying is that you take the length of your right index finger (that's probably the one you use to pick your noise and for pointing, if you're not a SoKo, in which case you use your middle finger to point, which gets you in trouble when you move to, say, Compton) and divide that by the length of your right ring finger, the one that's next to your pinky.

index / ring = ?

Roughly speaking, assuming you want as long a penis as possible (though I'm guessing women who don't want their cervix constantly rammed may not share your enthusiasm), then you want the index finger to be a smaller number and the ring finger to be a larger number.

Unfortunately the article doesn't tells us what the magic numbers are for the ratio. Like, would a 1:1 correspondence of index-to-ring lead to a six-inch erect penis that is, ahem, firmly average?

Anyway, I should also point out that this is the same Gachon University that supposedly fired Gerry Bevers back in 2006 for spouting his views on Korea and Tokto (using university computers), so I guess we now know what they're doing with the money they saved.

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2 comments:

  1. Awesome! If this theory is scientifically validated, I predict that in short time we will suddenly see a new fashion trend of "hand pants" or specially designed gloves which conceal the dimensions of the ring and index fingers. Hmmmm, is there a patent on that yet?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Or tongue-snipping will go out the door and be replaced by ring finger lengthening surgery, or index finger chopoffectomy.

    ReplyDelete

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