Monday, January 28, 2013

Election got you down? Move to the small government state of Somalia!

Editor's Note: The following post is paid Google Blogger content. Kushibo and associates are not responsible for nor endorse the content of the following message.
Dear Americans...

Disgruntled over election loss? Move to sunny seaside Somalia!

This beach could be anywhere... but it's Mogadishu! Nice, huh? 

Dear Americans who are angry at Obama the Socialist becoming president for second time. We feel your pain and we have read your blogs and Fox News reports that you want to secede from the United States. Some of you can't wait and have vowed to leave America if "Obummer" "wins" the "election" a "second" "time."

For you disgruntled by electoral dysfunction, we have just the perfect idea: Come to Somalia! When they lose elections, Democrats threaten to move to Canada or France or Britain, but where can a Republican go if they want to avoid crippling universal health care? The answer is: Come to Somalia!

We have small government, really small government. So small, you can hardly see it working. You will rely on your own self-reliance, isn't that wonderful?

Somalia is a dry climate located along a gulf, so it's just like Texas, but without all the drunk driving.

These are the only modern buildings still standing. 

The benefits are many. Here are our bullet points:
  • Emigrating to Somalia is just like retiring to Baja California, but with no Mexicans! 
  • Beachfront land is a steal. (For avoiding confusion, please note that this is just an expression and you won't actually have to steal the land from anyone, usually.) 
  • We hate Kenyans even more than you do! 
  • Our civil war is killing far fewer people than your civil war if your home state really does secede (disclaimer: comparison based on past US civil war). Bonus: Our civil war is raging in the north
  • Instead of government intrusion, you can use your own guns to enforce your own rules at home and in your business. It will be just like you remember back home in Alabama when you're watching police dramas on television. 
  • No taxes for new residents, until the taxman can safely make his way to your town, and who knows when that will be. 
  • The United Nations basically leaves us alone, just like you want them to do with the US. 
  • Unlike in the United States, you don't have to worry about sharia law creeping in, because it's already here! Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know, am I right? 
  • After you and all your friends come, Somalia will have the highest proportion of Ayn Rand book clubs per capita of any nation. In the world! 
  • Our beaches are now shark-free ever since our butchers stopped dumping offal directly into the ocean. 
Somali women are hot! Because sharia law requires them to be
completely covered even when temperatures reach 110°F or more. 
  • We have pirates! And if there's one thing we learned from Disney movies on DVD, it's that Americans love pirates. Except your government which is just trying to stifle small business owners who are pirates. 
  • There are thousands of deeply religious Christians, so devout they will die for their faith (and many of them do!). 
  • You may be able to house swap with Somali refugees living in Minnesota. 
  • The Mogadishu boardwalk is looking better than most seaside communities in the US after they've been hit by a hurricane. 
  • You will become American-Africans, and then you can claim minority status when you eventually get sick of the vexations of extremely limited government and return to your states that still haven't managed to secede.
This list is endless, as we keep pulling reasons out of our backsides.

This advertisement was paid for by the Federal Republic of Somalia Economic Development Commission.
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